With the prevalence of various social ills in our societies said to be perpetuated by men, it is not often that we see positive stories about the role so many of them play in building our nation and shaping who we become. Metropolitan’s #MyPeopleMyEverything campaign is built on the notion that we are who we are because of the influences of those around us, that the people in our lives play a great role in who we become. It is therefore important for us to recognise these people and give them the gratitude they deserve for being our people. So, beyond Father’s Day, let’s take some time to acknowledge the father figures who have stepped up to uplift us and to walk through the journey of life with us.
Mbuyiselo Botha, Government and Media Relations Manager for Sonke Gender Justice, says he grew up not knowing what it feels like to have a father. “I have never felt his tender hug as a young, black man navigating the world in need of assurance and guidance. I never got to experience what it’s like presenting my first child to my biological father.” Botha says he didn’t attain teachings on how to be a father and never had memories, to draw experience from on how to be a dad. “But one thing is for sure, I knew what I didn’t want to be as a father, a cold, absent father.”
Thankfully, at some stage, Botha says, the universe conspired in his favour and gave him a father figure. One that he chose for himself and allowed Botha to choose him. “One visit to the barber for a haircut, I walked out with a gift I would treasure forever- a father. A father that I chose, and he welcomed me with open arms,” Botha says. “He was a man that loved me till his last breath, Bab Nxumalo. Because of you and your teachings that would outlive you, I chose to be an active and present father. Because of you, navigating fatherhood became that much easier for me- never having experienced a childhood with a father.”
To Bab Nxumalo, Botha says: “Because of you, I know the feeling of going through life’s turmoil’s and having a man that will gather me and tell me kuzolunga (it shall be well). Because of you, my daughter had a grandfather that would pick her up without fail every time varsity closed for holidays. Because of you, my children were not robbed of the experience of having a grandfather. Not only did you allow me to choose you. You went on to choose me and my family; a testament to the man you are. Rest, Tata. Ndiyabulela.”
Musician Loyiso Bala, a person who is thankful to God as his main father figure, says it takes a village to raise a child and he was blessed enough to have many people in his life who made him the man he is. He knew his father loved him and although Bala had a few formative years with him, he says when he died, others stepped up. First it was his cousin, Lwando Bantom, who was 19 years old when he took Bala under his wing. Bantom worked as a petrol attendant but he did everything he could to put food on the table. Bala says it was through Bantom he felt the love of a father, as well as the emotional and spiritual support that there wasn’t time to get from his father.
“Lwando showed me what I would model the role of my fatherhood on. He took care of me and my brother Zwai, who is four years older than me,” says Bala. He talks about fathers being there for sons as a spiritual guide and says even though he had that with his father for a short time, with Lwando it was the first time he felt that love and guidance that a father would give.
Bala, a family man himself, is a doting little brother and talks about his brother being the other father figure in his life, who kept sending money home while Bala was at the Drakensburg Boys’ Choir. Zwai stepped in to take care of the daily needs at home. “He sent money home for the funeral and took care of me at such a young age.” Bala says while Zwai was taking care of him at 14, he was also doing a production in Johannesburg and taught him to dream. “As much as I had dreams growing up, I never had anyone who had achieved such growing up.” Zwai became Bala’s role model for building a career and the desire to achieve his dreams.
“In terms of looking at a family man and how to raise children, there was Dr Zolile Mlisana,” Bala says. Dr Mlisana took Bala in and showed him how a family lives, operates, and depicted the dynamics between a father and child, which Bala himself still fashions his fathering on today, including watching him raise his children spiritually and emotionally.
“I’ve been blessed,” Bala says. “We rise through the work of the older generations looking after the next, and God has blessed me with people who lifted me so I can pay it forward and have the same kind of impact on my children that they had.” My People, My Everything means being able to lift each other so that nobody falls behind. “I am who I am because of my people, my father figures, my everything.”
Metropolitan is encouraging people to celebrate their father figures beyond Fathers’ Day by visiting their social media platforms to enter a competition to stand a chance to win an opportunity to acknowledge and celebrate the father figure who has shaped who they are today.