Names: Keitumetse and Refilwe Lamola
Married since: August 19, 2017
Pet names: Booba and Fufi
Kids: 0
Scripture foundation: Tumi – Malachi 2:15 | Refilwe – Acts 17:28
How did you meet?
We met through a mutual friend, the mutual friend and Tumi actually planned for months to get Refilwe to Pretoria and the first attempt failed but the second one did not, in simple terms Refilwe was set up and was not pleased at all.
Was it love at first sight?
For Tumi yes, but for Refilwe no!
What attracted you to each other?
Tumi – Her beauty and her desire to live a Godly purposeful life
Refilwe – His consistency and he has a cute butt. He was present whenever I needed him.
Why did you get married?
The desire to build a life centred in God together.
How did he propose?
He planned a birthday dinner and invited my close friends and his close friends and his plan was to propose on the ice rink and that couldn’t happen, so we watched a movie after dinner and on our way to the parking lot, he went down on one knee and asked me to marry him.
How has marriage changed you?
Refilwe – I am more understanding, less stubborn and more accommodative
Tumi – it has made it easier for me to learn from others
What has marriage taught you?
Refilwe – Godly marriage principles are the same and cannot be altered to suit an individual’s preferences, however, every marriage has different dynamics
Tumi – To mature, you have to live in God’s context of marriage and not your own
What do you love most about being married?
Tumi – The journey of growing and learning together with my partner on a daily basis, while enjoying the little things that make us grow in love with each other.
Refilwe – The intimate care and consideration I get from my partner, and cuddling with my partner
What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
My family not respecting my wife, and I had to cover her and make sure I put my foot down and show them that they cannot exclude my wife from anything that involves me, otherwise they are separating the two that God made one. It was not an easy thing because I love my family but at the other hand I am a new husband and I have a wife who is being mistreated and I am trying to cater to both without doing more harm than good, but it was not an easy thing, it still is not.
What do you mostly fight about?
The other person not understanding the other and concluding. You would be sharing your feelings and then the other person concluding as though they understand but from the conclusion you can tell they did not get what you meant.
The other person not listening when dealing with critical issues, but wanting to be heard and understood
What irritates you about each other?
Tumi – Stubbornness in my partner irritates me because it delays solving certain issues quicker and progressing
Refilwe – my husband likes procrastinating and it irritates me because certain things are left pending that could have easily been completed.
How do you keep love alive?
Having date nights
What do you do for fun together?
Take vacations and partake in active adventures, like game drives, bungee jumping, hiking, etc
What do you think marriage is?
Marriage is the divine structure and a context of life defined by GOD for two people that He brought together through which they assume their God defined roles and duties to serve God and each other yielding a godly offspring and building a united family/household life that is a reflection of the Christ filled life expressed in the covenant marriage between Christ and His Church that serves as a symbol and example to the unsaved world of Gods original intent for what He describes as a family, community, nation under Gods governance .[ Malachi 2:15 & Ephesians 5:31-33]
What makes marriage work?
When both husband and wife are united in obeying the word of God in practice and not by just listening or reading.
What makes it fail?
Disunity and Disobedience by both husband and wife to God’s marriage principles
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?
The reason people no longer believe in marriage is because of how society has diminished the value of marriage as a godly institution and promoted adultery and fornication as a better alternative that is more enjoyable and less burdensome in responsibility and accountability
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
Yes, you get to understand that conflict in marriage does not define the marriage, but highlights issues that have to be sorted. Also when you get into disagreements, you already know that they do not define your marriage and you can easily shut them down
Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?
People do not understand that God is the creator of marriage and marriage is his purpose and not a human invention, nor construct
The worldly misrepresentation of marriage
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
1. Restoring couples to Gods original purpose for marriage
2. Teaching couples to know that divorce will not bring about a change of heart or character but that submitting and committing together to united transformation builds better ones.
3. Couples learning to be intentional about about building together .
4. Bringing awareness about the psychological impact of divorce upon children and spouses .
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
Husbands must nurture, provide for and protect their wives with Love as their core internal value and drive in marriage. Wives must Submit to and obey their husbands with respect as their core value and drive in marriage.
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
Lobola is significant in that it is a tool that extends thanksgiving and unity to both families, and from biblical times the bride price was used as a means of thanksgiving.
Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
The couple’s condition would be what drives the advice, every situation is different, especially with financial laws that we have. Some people have joint ventures that can easily lead them into debts and others have huge loans that are outstanding prior getting married, so sometimes getting married outside community of property would be the best advice, but however getting married in community of property is great especially when both parties are starting out and it has the all in attitude.
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Know the purpose of marriage. And continuously ask yourself why you want to get married.
Ensure that you and the person you are planning to marry share the same biblical values and beliefs in Christ.
Make sure you have a basic understanding of financial literacy and your finances are in order.
Counselling is a must for both parties, and as individuals, to deal with issues that may have been hidden in the subconscious mind.
