#MarriageMondays – Robihn & Joy Modau

How did you meet?

We met at church, we joined the choir at the same time. During the workers class session (a prerequisite class for those who are joining the team of people who serve at church), she was brought to me by a mutual friend to keep me company as I didn’t know anyone.

Was it love at first sight?

No

What attracted you to each other?

Robihn – She was a good friend, she gave good advice, she loved the Lord whole heartedly, she loved serving and she was realistic.

Joy – kindness, Caring, always checking up on me, respectful and humble. And oh! I loved his smile and his fingers.

Why did you get married?

Robihn – She is realistic, she brings out the best out of me. She is selfless, she wants to build. With her, its us before her and shes beautiful, I couldn’t imagine living my life without her. I love her.

Joy – Because I love him and we share we share the same values, fearing God

How did he propose?

We were both staying in Cape Town, I was in Joburg for holidays, so, he went to my apartment on the day I came back, he decorated the entire place with all kinds of balloons and little notes. He blindfolded my eyes so that I do not see the set up, and when I took off the blindfold there he was on his knees asking for my hand in marriage.

How has marriage changed you?

No. In fact we became our true selves

What has marriage taught you?

It taught us to love family and also that 2 is better than 1.

What do you love most about being married?

Sex.

Building things together and seeing them come to life.

We also love the fact that we pour into each other’s cups on a daily, we sharpen one another and encourage each other to realize individual purposes.

Do you have specific roles designated to each other?

No, in our home we do everything together, we help each other, but where another is weak or lacking the other will cover.

What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?

Husband – Pray, Protect, Provide, lead, comfort, Love.

Wife – Pray, Nurture, Oversee, Assist, Submit.

Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?

Yes, we try to communicate each other’s love languages well:

Robihn – Quality time, sex and Physical touch.

Joy – Acts of service, words of affirmation and sex.

What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?

Robihn – Apart from the marriage proposal which I think was very romantic, I would say buying her flowers from time to time, taking her out out to spontaneous dates. Random calls during the day just to tell her I love her.

Joy – Took him out for a romantic weekend getaway otherwise I am the one that is being spoiled.

How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests? What are some of the interests you share with your spouse?

It’s important because, days are not the same, sometimes you do not need a lover but a friend, someone who will at times laugh at your pain but at the same time give a shoulder to cry on. We dont know if its Cape Town, but lately we love sitting at home doing nothing just us.

How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?

There is time for everything. However if things are overlapping, we help each other, while another is busy with one thing another is covering, its a big adjustment when you have a child but now we can confidently say that we have found our rhythm.

What does wives submit to your husbands mean to you?

Wife submit to a husband means I have to allow my husband to

lead as the Bible says he is the head and also serving him in any way shape or form.

What does husbands love your wives mean to you?

Husband love you wife to me means to love my own wife; not other

peoples wives. Where your heart is, is where your money and time is. Where money and time is invested, it must be protected and nurtured.

What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?

Raising your children under the law of the Lord. In a way that when they are grown they will not lack and also they will not be dependent on parents, not dependent on the Government and not troublesome to the community. As parents we can only do our part but when they are grown it’s up to them to decide if they take our teachings or not, but if we have done our best we cannot be blamed for most failures.

What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?

We took a decision to tell each other raw truth whenever we do anything wrong, so, initially this was not so easy for the one who has to receive criticism, we would always neat pick each other which caused a lot of tension at first, but we had to come up with ways to approach such difficult conversations so that a person is not misunderstood. However, we haven’t had any deal breaking challenges in our marriage God has been good.

What do you mostly fight about?

Joy – Wanting things to be put back at the right places all the time

Robihn – She is always nagging me with insignificant things.

What irritates you about each other?

Joy – He will say he will do something but takes longer to do it.

Robihn – She always want me to do things as she says them but sometimes other things can be left for later or can be done in bulk not one by one.

How do you keep love alive?

Pouring into each other’s cups on a daily with words of affirmation, sex and acts of service.

What do you do for fun together?

Playing board games and doing adventurous activities.

What do you think marriage is?

One would say it’s a contract between two people who are deciding to stay together, but it doesn’t end there, marriage should represent God, should represent love, should represent service to each other, support and family.

What makes a marriage work?

Sharing common values, understanding each other’s roles and not

dropping the ball. Also being aligned.

What makes it fail?

Misalignment.

What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?

People look at other people too much, sometimes to a point where they even draw inspiration from wrong people and as we all know, statistics says that Divorce rate is on a high and that can be discouraging to those who aspire to be in the institution of love.

Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?

Yes! It’s the last tool that couples can use to confirm if they are getting into marriage for the right reasons, also it prepares you to weather all the storms that may come when you are married.

Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?

Lack of commitment and also these are people who become disappointed when they enter the marriage. (Entering for wrong reasons).

What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?

Unfortunately, we don’t have answer for this one. People must enter marriage for the right reasons.

What do you think is the significance of lobola?

We do not really believe in the concept of Lobola as we think the true concept is totally misunderstood. Families these days want to sell to the highest bidder. You can’t tell us that Lobola of R100k is reasonable, anyways let’s just say the concept needs to be revisited otherwise trying to explain what we think will make up a whole story.

Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?

Firstly, there are 3 marital regimes it’s either you are 1. in community, 2. out of community with Accrual and 3. Out of community without accrual. However if you intend to be out of community of property, you must then do an Antinaptual contract (prenup). Within the prenup you make it clear that when you get married you intend for your marriage to be out of community of property with or without the accrual system. Now, there are advantages and disadvantages on each regime, it will make a whole story to try and explain in depth. But each to their own, there is no right or wrong.

Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage, why or why not?

The question that an individual should ask himself or herself is that, After I have given all my worth before marriage then what do I have left to offer in marriage? However, circumstances are different sometimes people literally do not have a choice, but to those who have a choice, especially to the man, do good by this lady that you say you love so much.

How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?

There is no set period of dating before getting married, either way dating a short period or a longer period does determine the success of the marriage, so each to their own.

What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?

We just got married 2 years ago so we also do not have the recipe for longevity, we hope our strategy is the right one.

Whose marriage do you look up to and why?

No one, we do our own thing, we don’t really look at other couples. We don’t want to be disappointed, also you don’t know what happens behind closed doors, so idolize our own marriage.