Names: Tshembhekani & Gontse Novela
Married since: 30/01/2021
Pet names: Baby
Kids: 1
Scripture foundation: Psalm 127 Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain; unless the LORD protects the city, its watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for bread to eat—for He gives sleep to His beloved. Children are indeed a heritage from the LORD, and the fruit of the womb is His reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are children born in one’s youth.
How did you meet?
We met at work, 2018 November. He was working, as a quality assurance, and I was working at the store. People were talking about him, and I was wondering why they kept referring to him as a difficult person to deal with, that built up curiosity in me, little did i know that our first interaction would not be so pleasant. One day I called him to come and inspect some material at the store, and guess what, he provoked me because of my hair style, but because we were at work and I respected him, I did not react as expected. The following day he came to apologize and offered to buy me wine as a peace offering, when i told him i don’t drink, he asked if I’m Christian to which i responded yes and further mentioned that my father is a pastor. According to him I passed the first test and that’s how our love journey began.
Was it love at first sight?
No, love at first sight is a subjective experience that some people believe in, where they feel an instant and intense connection with someone upon meeting them for the first time. Our first sight was very awkward.
What attracted you to each other?
Her: He was a respected man, and the love for God and the way he loves his family. Not forgetting his nice body.
Him: The fact that she loved the Lord, and that she respected herself at work.
Why did you get married?
Her: we got married because I always wanted to get married, and he was a compatible partner for me. God approved, and we loved one another.
Him: There was a spiritual connection, rather than an emotional connection, between us. And I felt in my heart, that I don’t want to waste any more time, except to marry and build my family, with the blessing of a beautiful wife I found from God.
How did you propose?
I proposed to her, earlier than expected. And I said I will marry you in the next six months, and you will be my wife, I am going home to tell my mother that I have found the one. And she was glad, to hear the news and she agreed, saying she is going to tell her family too.
How has marriage changed you?
Her: it made me depend more in God. My faith has grown so much.
Him: it changed me, from a boy or a boyfriend state, to a state of responsibility, a state of caring and loving.
What has marriage taught you?
Her: marriage has taught me to understand and act on this scripture better 1 Corinthians 13
Him: I think marriage for me taught me a lot in the areas of love, hope and faith. In terms of love, I tend to understand that love is beyond romance, its beyond giving each other gifts, and or good moments in life, but you love unconditionally, during the drought, when anger has occupied your heart, and moreover, you love even when your partner has faults. In terms of hope, I have seen my partner growing spiritually, moving from imperfection to perfection, because I never lost hope in her or our marriage. Lastly with faith, I have learned that as long as there is faith, prayer overcomes every challenge, that any marriage can face.
What do you love most about being married?
Her: what I love most about marriage is having someone you know has your back and will love your imperfections, respect you and your opinions, wants to see you happy and love you unconditionally despite your fault that’s what I love. And having to do this life thing with someone. Going through a lot with someone who is loyal to you despite the situation. That we are fulfilling the purpose of God. Marriage is from God.
Him: The fact that you have a partner, or a hand, that is genuine and trustworthy (two are better than one, for if either of them falls, one can help the other up – Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
Do you have specific roles designated to each other?
Yes, definitely, roles and responsibilities, makes one to be accountable in marriage. Biblically when we look at the Trinity of God (God the father, the Son and the Holy spirit) are one but have different roles and responsibilities. When we look at Adam and Eve, in Eden, God gave each of them their roles and responsibilities. Roles and responsibilities, creates order in the family.
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
We believe that as partners created by God, with different, characteristics, gifts and traits, the best strategy to apply in such a situation like marriage, is to do a strength, weakness, opportunity and threat analysis (SWOT). We look at who has more strength, and more opportunities of success in the role, examples, in financial management, who is good in saving money, or managing money then we give the person that role. The other partner will get another role and responsibility in something else.
Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?
Her: I believe in love language yes, and my love language is act of service. And yes, my husband does meet my needs hahaha it’s so funny how he doesn’t believe in them but he meets them very well.
Him. I personally don’t believe in love language; my wife communicates what she expects from me. And I deliver as expected, I guess. Love is unconditional.
What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?
Her: I am the one who plans our vacations.
Him: the most romantic moments I created for her was when I proposed to her carrying flowers on her birthday, and far more importantly, buying her a car of her dreams.
How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests? What are some of the interests you share with your spouse?
Its of utmost importance, friends share dreams, advice each other, and most importantly seek to see each other prosper at the same time. Our common interest are spiritual growth, growth in the relationship and intimacy with our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ, financial freedom/breakthrough and educational interest.
How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?
It’s hectic, more specifically on the untold challenges that one faces. Sometimes, as human beings we get angry at each other and not talk to each other. But the best strategy to balance in all, is prioritization. Normally when we do interviews at work, we answer a question that they normally ask that can you work under pressure, because we want the job we say yes, I think also marriage has similar challenges. But when you prioritize what is urgent and ensure that on your spare time you also cover up on the gaps.
What does wives submit to your husbands, mean to you?
Submission, means respect, honoring and obeying. The reality that we have today, when it comes to submission, due to oppressions,
and abuse, when women think of submission, they feel like they are controlled. Submission does not mean that one should not engage in a conversation or does not have any suggestion, but it means do it with respect. I normally say to people if you are able to submit and respect and honor your boss at work why is it difficult for you to respect to your spouse.
What does husbands love your wives mean to you?
It is a biblical directive from Ephesians 5:25, emphasizing the sacrificial and selfless nature of a husband’s love for his wife. To many, it means prioritizing the well-being, emotional support, and happiness of one’s spouse above oneself. It involves acts of kindness, understanding, and commitment to the growth of the relationship. This admonition encourages husbands to demonstrate love not just in words but through actions that promote a healthy, respectful, and nurturing marital bond. It echoes the idea of a self- giving, unconditional love that seeks the best for one’s partner in all aspects of life.
What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?
In my tradition, there is a saying, that says when you are walking then you find that the road is splitting, and you don’t know which way to go, ask the users of the road, how each road is before embarking or it, or deciding which route to take. In other words when you train a child in the way that they should go, as a parent, you have seen many things in life, and you have gained enough experience to know which way is correct, hence you are a better person to train up your child in order for your child not to repeat the same mistakes, or learn the hard way like you did.
What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
Misunderstanding each other, for example you might find that we are saying one thing but in different ways, where one will feel like his/her opinion is not considered. We have not yet overcome it, but now, we are patient with one another when we are given a chance to explain, rather than interrupting when one is speaking. Another way is to complement one another, before making a new suggestion, this makes one not to feel undermined.
Character, dealing with each other’s character. This is a challenge to our marriage, when one is angry and feel like they don’t want to talk because they prefer it that way, the other one believes that talking even when you are angry is a better way to resolve a situation, the two strategies create unnecessary conflict. We have not overcome the challenge, but urgent matters, such as a child’s needs, makes us communicate even if we don’t want to communicate, he makes us to connect by force.
What do you mostly fight about?
Character, I think that’s where we need some improvements.
What irritates you about each other?
Her: when I’m done washing the dishes and the sink is clean and he eats and not wash the dish he was using, that gets to me yo!
Him: when she moves my things where I put them and when I ask she says I don’t know or remember
How do you keep love alive?
We continue to be there for each other, even when we are not in good terms. But most importantly we all love God like crazy, and challenge each other spiritually, that blows our mind all the time. Allowing each other to have roles and responsibilities and there after assisting each other in fulfilling them.
What do you do for fun together?
Play games, singing together, vacation, concerts, share our childhood stories and many others. (if you know you know)
What do you think marriage is?
Marriage, biblically defined, is a sacred covenant between a man and a woman, instituted by God. It reflects the union of Christ and the Church, emphasizing love, commitment, and mutual support. Scripture teaches that marriage is a lifelong bond, characterized by selflessness, fidelity, and the pursuit of God’s purposes as partners journey together in faith.
What makes a marriage work?
Successful marriages thrive on communication, trust, and mutual respect. Partners must embrace compromise, prioritize each other’s needs, and foster emotional intimacy. Shared values, commitment, and a willingness to navigate challenges together contribute to a resilient foundation. Regular expressions of love and support, along with a sense of humor, help create a fulfilling and enduring partnership. Open communication, empathy, and a commitment to growth as individuals and as a couple strengthen the bonds that make marriages work.
What makes it fail?
Marriage can fail due to inadequate communication, lack of trust, financial strain, incompatible goals, and unaddressed emotional issues. Infidelity, substance abuse, and unrealistic expectations can contribute. Poor conflict resolution, growing apart, and external pressures may strain the relationship. A lack of commitment, selfishness, and failure to adapt to changes can also lead to marital breakdown. Successful marriages require ongoing effort, compromise, and mutual support to overcome challenges and nurture a strong, lasting bond.
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?
Several factors contribute to skepticism about marriage. Changing societal norms and increased focus on individual autonomy challenge traditional notions of lifelong commitment. Rising divorce rates and witnessing failed marriages may breed cynicism. Some view marriage as a legal or religious constraint, preferring non-traditional relationship structures. Economic concerns, fear of loss of personal freedom, and prioritizing career or personal goals also influence skepticism. Additionally, evolving perspectives on love and partnership contribute to alternative relationship choices. Despite these reasons, individual beliefs and experiences greatly shape attitudes toward the institution of marriage.
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
Yes, we think it is important, it prepares you for the marriage to come. It helps you to know your partner before marriage. It provides couples with a structured and supportive environment to openly discuss and address important aspects of their relationship. This includes communication styles, values, expectations, and potential areas of conflict. Pre-marital counselling plays a vital role in equipping couples with the tools, insights, and skills necessary to build a strong foundation for a successful and fulfilling marriage.
Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?
There are many reasons, in my opinions high divorce rates can be attributed to evolving social norms, communication issues, financial stress, individualism, lack of pre-marital education, infidelity, unrealistic expectations, and cultural/religious differences. Changing attitudes, economic challenges, and a focus on personal happiness contribute to marital instability.
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
By encouraging others, sharing victorious stories/testimonies of marriage
Establishing sisterhood and brotherhood marriage talks
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
It’s a symbol of commitment, respect and unity. It fosters cultural preservation, community ties, and family bonds. Lobola also serves as a demonstration of the groom’s ability to provide for his bride and reflect cultural values regarding marriage and kinship.
Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
That’s a tough one, this is very personal it depends on the individual and your background. But if I were to answer this, I wouldn’t advise out of community of property. We are living in evil days, where people marry for wrong or evil reasons such as money and divorce in no time just to get 50% of the share. Moreover some people live reckless lives and find themselves in serious debt, causing the other partner to have financial instability.
Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage, why or why not?
No, why do we call them a couple if they are not married. The definition of couple is two people joined together, so if they are not married, they are not joined. In an African context, marriage symbolizes respect and good intentions.
How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?
You cannot determine time, talking from experience I dated for 8 months before I got married. I personally believe that a man should first mature, become independent, work, so that he can support the family, unless finances allow. So maturity is key, marriage is not for kids but for matured people. And according to world view, a 21 year old person is viewed as matured. But I believe that maturity is not by age but by actions and behaviour.
What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?
The love we have for one another, the support we give each other, and most importantly being best friend than being a couple, not taking marriage too serious always joking around and enjoy being young and play around. Most importantly praying for our marriage.
Whose marriage do you look up to and why?
Pastor and Mamoruti Sambo, We have a calling to run a ministry and the couple is doing well in terms of balancing and prioritizing the ministry, career, family and education while serving Gods people.
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Pray about it, consider courtship, go through marital counselling. Marriage symbolizes the relationship that Christ has with the church. That he went to die for us on the cross, Christ love the church even though sin was covering it, in other words imperfection was there but He still went and died for the church. Love is unconditional, you must love even if things go according to your will or your partner is imperfect that’s what marriage is all about.