Names: Kgothatso & Tebogo Monese
Married since: December 2020
Pet names: Love, Baba
Kids: 2, a teenager and a toddler (adolescent and terrible two’s kuningi)
Scripture foundation: Psalm 127vs1 Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain
Joshua 24v15 but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord
How did you meet?
KG who is from Tembisa, had a hair salon franchise in Soshanguve. One day my little sister and I saw the salon and thought we should go try it out we then did try it out weeks later, it was a beautiful space and the guys in the salon were warm and fun that’s when we decided it was going to be our new hair place, we met there in 2018
Was it love at first sight?
No, we started off as friends but the friendship didn’t last long before love happened.
What attracted you to each other?
He is smart, fun, unapologetic love for God and he has a caring nature about him.
She was friendly, approachable and she spoke her mind and she is gorgeous.
Why did you get married?
We met in 2018 towards the end of the year and got engaged in 2019, we loved each other so much building a family together felt like an obvious thing to do, the feeling was mutual on both sides. We didn’t even waste time “getting to know each other”
I felt she was the right person to be with it was like God said here is your wife and it didn’t take me too long to see that she was my wife.
How did he propose?
Lol I quote “I want my uncles to write a letter to bring to your family so we can start marriage negotiation” I feel robbed of the romantic, down on one knee proposal
I just told her that one day I am going to make you my wife, it was very casual.
How has marriage changed you?
It hasn’t changed me but has enhanced who I am, I plan better than I used to, I pray more than I used to, I love more and have become more selfless.
My life is more directed and its also made me more mature and grew me closer to God
What has marriage taught you?
Two is really better than one. That not everything is about you and
one has to be considerate of other people and it has taught me to plan and think ahead
What do you love most about being married?
Sharing responsibilities, having a cheerleader, having
someone who is strong when I am weak, also being strong for someone when they are weak.
I love the fact that I don’t have to do this life thing alone. Being able to build with someone, knowing that there is someone in your corner all the time no matter how you are feeling.
Do you have specific roles designated to each other?
Yes
What do you think are the roles of husbands and wives in marriage?
Except for what the bible teaches us about husbands and wives; that husbands should love their wives and wives should submit to their husbands I don’t think there are any cut in stone roles for husbands and wives each marriage is unique and sharing roles/ responsibilities is unique to each family what works for one couple wouldn’t necessarily work for another.
The husband has to provide. The roles just need to be balanced and no one should feel burdened.
Do you believe in love languages? If so, what are yours and does your partner communicate them well?
Yes we do: my love language is words of affirmation, I want to hear that I am loved and appreciated…
Physical touch and sometimes words of affirmation
What is the most romantic thing you’ve done for your spouse?
Taking him out for dinner. He bought me a huge teddy bear and chocolates when I was going through the roughest time of my life. It’s the small things that count for me so you taking me out means a lot to me
How important do you think it is for couples to have a strong friendship and share common interests?
Being friends is very important it allows us to be transparent with each other without the fear of being judged. One common interest we have is our love for soccer and it gets interesting in the house every time my team beats his team and going on holidays even though we haven’t been able to do much of it lately.
How do you balance marriage, work and raising children, if any?
We are intentional about making our marriage work because we have realized that from a healthy relationship we are able to be well
function in other aspects of our lives. No matter how tired we are we make time to be together sometimes we would just sit together and not even say anything to each other but we are still together (just being in each other’s presence is warm).
We find the balance by helping each other in the home and with our children so no one partner feels tired
What does wives submit to your husbands mean to you?
It means as a wife I need to allow my husband to be the leader of the family and I become his help and support.
What does husbands love your wives mean to you?
Means loving my wife unconditionally and making sacrifices. Being conscious of their needs and working towards meeting them. Striving to keep her happy and trying my best to make her feel fulfilled.
What does parents train up a child in a way they should go mean to you?
It means we have to give them the fundamentals of the gospel, teaching them and showing them the ways of Christ, praying with and for them and taking them with to church
What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your marriage and how did you overcome them?
We got to actually really know each other while in marriage and there was a lot of misunderstandings- we had to learn to communicate our feelings and to really listen to each other. We were raised very different and therefore had different ways and ideas of doing things and that frustrated us- we sought for counselling from those who have been married longer and seem to be having healthy marriages.
What do you mostly fight about?
Tidiness
What irritates you about each other?
He is loud too loud and I think he has ADHD (undiagnosed)
YOH my husband can’t stay still.
She tends to be quite defensive and when she is upset it goes on for long
How do you keep love alive?
Serving each other, going on dates and spending a lot of time together
What do you do for fun together?
We enjoy soccer, we go to concerts and watch movies – Netflix
and chill
What do you think marriage is?
Two people who love each other come together to become one,
they forsake all else and become one, they create a space where they both can grow as individuals and as a duo supporting and loving each other, putting their partner first and journeying through life together.
What makes a marriage work?
Love, God, the willingness of both to make it work and support of
others around the couple.
What makes it fail?
Getting into marriage with the wrong intentions, not having the heart to make it work
What do you think is the reason for people to not believe in the institution of marriage?
Not having marriage modelled well and witnessing a lot of failed marriages.
Do you think pre-marital counselling is important, why?
Yes but I strongly believe having post-marital counselling should be as important, pre-marital prepares you for marriage and I think
because of everything that is going on at the time pre-marital counselling is introduced you sort of don’t take 100% in and once the marriage begins couples need the help to navigate through this new life. Honeymoon phase was a bit rough for us that’s where we had to put in a lot of work in our marriage.
Yes, it helped me fully understand my duties as a husband and a father and I believe it would do the same for other men like me
Why do you think there is such a high rate of divorce?
Marriage is no longer taken in high regard and people get in with a “if it doesn’t work I will leave” mentality and already that sets up marriage for failure
What measures can be taken to break the high rate of divorce?
Taking away the pressure to marry, many people fall into the expectations created by society that at a certain they have to be married and they get into marriage because they feel they “have” to marry.
Introducing couple therapy.
What do you think is the significance of lobola?
I honestly still don’t get it, so the concept of two people who love each other and want to be with each other forever but one of the two has to pay it.
It is not about paying but a form of bringing together two families
Would you advice people to do prenup, in community of property or out of community of property and why?
Each couple should go for what works for them, doing proper research is very important here, the couple should understand what will work for them.
Is it advisable for couples to live together before marriage?
No, as a Christian woman I believe in the order of the Bible and also I am strongly against giving wife benefits on
girlfriend status
How long do you think couples should date before getting married and in your opinion, is there a way to date or each to their own?
I can’t put a time frame to it but can it not be too long (unless there’s a clear intention to marry but there are circumstances that are making it hard to happen and both partners understand this and are happy with it) if it were up to me 5 years should be the max
What do you think is the secret to the longevity of your marriage?
Making God the foundation is number one, understanding each other, this will only happen if the individuals are totally transparent and choosing to love one another no matter what.
Whose marriage do you look up to and why?
My parents and our pastors.
Our pastors
What advice do you have for people intending to get married?
Go for pre and post-marital counselling. You put in work for a healthy marriage it doesn’t just happen